Ego Death

The Rev · 12-13-2008, 12:54 PM

Last night, I made a tea with approximately 4 tablespoons of ground dried shrooms. (I'm not sure how much that is in grams, but I've heard that 1 teaspoon is roughly a gram, which would make my dose approx. 12 grams.) I then drank this tea, and what was to follow was literally mind blowing.

I felt my mind, and reality with it, fall apart utterly. I began to wonder if I had died. I wondered if the entire world was gone, and what I would come back to when I returned to normal, if there was any normal to return to. I understood that reality is just an agreement you have with yourself (yourself, as a concept, being part of the agreement), and, more than that, I realized the full ramifications of that fact. I saw that everything is so completely arbitrary, and all it takes is one simple choice to change everything.

I experienced what can only be described as losing my mind. I entered a place where death and life, tragedy and glory, all seemed insignificant. It was an ecstasy beyond description. I cried, I laughed, everything seemed so obvious.

I suppose, I acheived what I set out to find with the mushroom. I had a true Samadhi experience. I saw clearly what spiritual books call "emptiness" and how it is "empty with such fullness".

I'm thinking I may lay off the plant teachers for awhile. I felt, in the midst of my trip, that I really didn't need them anymore, having found what I did.

I just don't know what else to say. I wish I could find the words to put this experience in your minds, in some way for it to be clear, but it's like trying to describe something in terms of experience, and this felt like something beyond experience.

The Rev

Dozer McDozer · 12-13-2008, 12:59 PM

Glad you're back.

Part of me thinks I could benefit from a journey with a guide/shaman, but i feel content more often... at peace with myself.

I was in 3rd grade when i was given a pill before surgery. I saw things. It is the same as a dream to me. But memories are the same whether they're memories of a dream or what happened to me. Both happened did they not. Am i making sense?

I feel so close to being on my right path. But i'm already on the path am i not.

I've been considering making a thread about that day, but i guess this is the start. Perhaps i need to write in a journal. My head isn't as organized as paper can be.

pacman · 12-13-2008, 03:35 PM

I enjoyed reading your trip. no more details?

al-Mu'akhkhir · 12-13-2008, 04:42 PM

this is awesome.

Dozer McDozer · 12-13-2008, 04:57 PM

care to explain Samadhi? i tried to find out

**SageTree** · 12-13-2008, 09:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Rev

I just don't know what else to say. I wish I could find the words to put this experience in your minds, in some way for it to be clear, but it's like trying to describe something in terms of experience, and this felt like something beyond experience.

The Rev

I am happy for you Brother. It's true it is hard to put into cold words a feeling as such is that the more you say, the less it honours that.......well..... I don't have words for it either. I hope that feeling sticks with you and you can revisit that special place.

Blessings
Sage

**SageTree** · 12-13-2008, 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dozer McDozer

care to explain Samadhi? i tried to find out

I would look deeply into the stages of Hindu/Buddhist meditation. This is a Sanskit word. Desribing it is a hard task. Coldly stated its the ulitmantly the final level to be reached in deepest meditation, would you agree, on that simple deff. Rev?

I am suprised you couldn't Wiki it, and find something.

Here we go.......Sam?dhi - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

That should keep you reading and exploring for a while. Any questions, I and am sure the Rev wouldn't mind.

Blessings
Sage

The Rev · 12-14-2008, 01:08 PM

I use words like Enlightenment, Samadhi, Satori, etc. interchangeably. The way I have always understood it is, when you get the distractions of the mind out of the way, you see clearly what truly is. According to most spiritual traditions, having this experience is incredibly profound, and profound is a word I would use for what happend.

I felt I saw something that was both the most obvious thing in the world, yet also totally inexpressible. Like trying to use things you can fill a glass with to explain what an empty glass is. And I really tried to find the words, even in the midst of it, so I wouldn't just be another person talking about an enlightenment experience, but sounding deliberately mysterious about it. Guys like that always give me the impression that they're trying to hide the fact that they're full of shit behind alot of mystical and vague references.

All I could come up with were things like "Reality is a joke you are playing on yourself. Get it?" and that was as close as I could get. Or, "It's as obvious as God looking in a mirror." And while it made perfect sense then, it seems a little inexplicable now.

The Rev

12-14-2008, 02:52 PM

I've been there but I find it hard to "live" there. If that makes any sense...

Enlightenment imo is a teaching/lesson that some comes across in life that allows him/her the understanding of how to "share" "light". Some sadly find it a path that is closed after the lesson. Share it all Rev

.

I'd love to learn more about the buddhist/hindus learnings/methods of enlightenment but I don't restrict my personal growth by others. I'm not saying that it's not for me, I'm just trying to figure everything out for myself so I truely hold it inside as sacred. Cuz I think when one attain's knowledge it is so precious because it is the only thing that is theirs, aside from their body and 'choice'.

First Spicolis spiritual awakening, now Rev's ego-death, who is next?

Ego Tripping · 12-15-2008, 08:23 AM

This, too, shall pass.

**SageTree** · 12-15-2008, 08:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ego Tripping

This, too, shall pass.

I thought about this and can't quite narrow down what you are saying. Is this Enlightening time for people going to pass? Is that what you are saying?

Loving Confusion,
Sage

Ego Tripping · 12-15-2008, 10:17 AM

Mostly that I feel the experience of Satori, Samahdi, etc.. are transient experiences as all experience are transient. The inevitable passing of each moment and each experience can either be a shackle to one's desire to want to remain in bliss, or a liberation which enables one to find bliss throughout the experiences rather than within them.

I've felt what Rev has felt many times, under and not under the influence of ingested supplements. At the time, of course, when the veil is lifted and the Truth is seen, one feels as if the clarity will never leave. Inevitably however, it does, and one has the realization (hopefully) that all enlightenment is actually not an experience, a realization, a breakthrough or anything of the sort. I feel that enlightenment transcends the experience of "understanding." Once one embraces the continuum and realizes that "this, too, shall pass", one embodies enlightenment.

This is not to trivialize the experience of instant 'vision.' It's a joyous experience that one can ruminate on for the rest of their lives. Yet, to do so would be to go against the current of the river that the experience allowed one to see one's self in.

Slowly, as the days tick by and we move away from that beautiful moment, the veil descends and it ends up being more akin to a dream than a reality. The clarity becomes befuddled, the wisdom becomes intangible and the love becomes hard to feel. This is not a negative thing, this is the true reality; constant change that remains the same.

What I mean to say is, is that the one thing I took from those experiences is that the moment contains both, the enlightenment and the mundane. The moment passes, yes...but another arrives in it's place immediately, as beautiful and remarkable as the moment 'before' it, yet it's merely our perceptions and allowance of the moment that seperates 'Samadhi' from just 'another day.'

It's our ability to realize the passiveness of the continuum that can lead us to embrace story after story, without judging one moment to be 'satori' and another to be not. In truth, the moment is neither yet contains everything (empty with such fullness) and it's only our willed choice of allowance that defines which is experienced..

**SageTree** · 12-15-2008, 11:47 AM

My friend, now that is less vague and well understood.

I'd like to add that when the veil comes back down, the experiance sticks with you, and overtime the veil, while raising and lowering, is easier to see for what it is,which is not a barrier, just another trasient experiance, as all experiances are. I think that is sort of along the lines of thought you expressed, no? Like an act in a play, even though the curtain rises and falls making the stage visable, it's really the feeling ofthe experiance you take with you, not the individual acts in said play. Would you agree?

I really like the talks or level at which they take place in SS as of late. Not at all times do people lay forth so well what is going on in their minds and soul. The curtain is up in SS right now, for this time I am filled with joy.

Blessings in continued exploration
Your friend,
Sage

OldMan&TheWeed · 12-15-2008, 12:37 PM

I've never done shrooms, or acid or any other hallucinogen. I plan to however when my children are grown.

That'll be around 2017.

reverie · 12-18-2008, 07:47 AM

Smeared.. you've got the right attitude goin on in the pursuit of knowledge. It is essential to come to an understanding cultivated by self rather than others. At the same time looking to others and various teachings of thought can lead your pursuit through some very profound adventures. It's about always having a vast array of sources to pull references from..because after all the only truth is a universal one, right? A vital aspect of it all is being open and free to be "like water making its way through the cracks."

Rev and Ego, I deeply appreciate both of your posts. It really brings to the forefront of awareness how deeply rooted we are in a linear mode of operation for the majority of our dynamic existence. Its as if we're continuously waiting for something to happen while "The ongoing WOW is happening right now". Such close encounters with the subject are very inspiring.

I think its about due time for another shroom trip myself...ahh

The Rev · 12-19-2008, 05:18 PM

It usually takes awhile to think out a good trip, and the danger is that my memory of it will not be good enough to derive really meaningful insights. However, I believe that what happened is, my ability to "think" in the sense of conceptualizing all of my experience to prop up the idea of "self" I habitually take to be the origin of my awareness, was totally scrambled and effectively shut down. And without all of that "mind" filling my awareness, I saw past it. I guess a good analogy would be having the ability to see to infinity, but there is always something a finite distance away blocking my sight. With that taken away, infinity is open to view.

This explanation kinda fits with the different aspects of my trip. The amazing thing is how profound that emptiness can be. Infinity is essentially emptiness, so the analogy fits. There is nothing there but the seeing, and it is so profoundly beautiful and awe inducing that many things (like, most notably, death) just don't carry the same weight after the experience.

Oddly, there's no real afterglow. My karma is the same (my habits of mind and being), and so, I feel the same. I just am not taking things so seriously now. The fear of death and helplessness that drove me on has faded. I don't know. It's hard to explain.

The Rev

wnfakind · 01-12-2009, 11:37 AM

I loved losing myself for the first time and then finding myself.
There is no end to your begninning. There is no start or end of your perception, your mind. The whole universe.
Opening the door's of perception is the next step in human advancment.

Ominous Toker · 01-12-2009, 01:04 PM

the closer you get to the meaning; the sooner you know that your dreaming.

nothing like a random dio quote to sum it all up

it goes on, and on, and on, its heaven and hell.

Center · 01-14-2009, 06:21 AM

Good for you, Rev!

I've had experiences like you've described myself. I was completely sober (no such thing really as everything is a drug). I had been working on understanding my reality for a few years and started to be able to enduce these kind of experiences through deep meditation in the middle of nature after putting myself in the right mindstate. Profound stuff.

12-13-2008, 12:54 PM	#1 (permalink)
The Rev Clear Light Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In my head, somewhere. Posts: 17,863 Thanks: 5,015 Thanked 5,419 Times in 2,864 Posts	Ego Death Last night, I made a tea with approximately 4 tablespoons of ground dried shrooms. (I'm not sure how much that is in grams, but I've heard that 1 teaspoon is roughly a gram, which would make my dose approx. 12 grams.) I then drank this tea, and what was to follow was literally mind blowing. I felt my mind, and reality with it, fall apart utterly. I began to wonder if I had died. I wondered if the entire world was gone, and what I would come back to when I returned to normal, if there was any normal to return to. I understood that reality is just an agreement you have with yourself (yourself, as a concept, being part of the agreement), and, more than that, I realized the full ramifications of that fact. I saw that everything is so completely arbitrary, and all it takes is one simple choice to change everything. I experienced what can only be described as losing my mind. I entered a place where death and life, tragedy and glory, all seemed insignificant. It was an ecstasy beyond description. I cried, I laughed, everything seemed so obvious. I suppose, I acheived what I set out to find with the mushroom. I had a true Samadhi experience. I saw clearly what spiritual books call "emptiness" and how it is "empty with such fullness". I'm thinking I may lay off the plant teachers for awhile. I felt, in the midst of my trip, that I really didn't need them anymore, having found what I did. I just don't know what else to say. I wish I could find the words to put this experience in your minds, in some way for it to be clear, but it's like trying to describe something in terms of experience, and this felt like something beyond experience. The Rev __________________ Budforce - My Friend August 29, 1973- May 25, 2012

12-13-2008, 12:59 PM	#2 (permalink)
Dozer McDozer YaHookan Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 769 Thanks: 158 Thanked 86 Times in 77 Posts	Glad you're back. Part of me thinks I could benefit from a journey with a guide/shaman, but i feel content more often... at peace with myself. I was in 3rd grade when i was given a pill before surgery. I saw things. It is the same as a dream to me. But memories are the same whether they're memories of a dream or what happened to me. Both happened did they not. Am i making sense? I feel so close to being on my right path. But i'm already on the path am i not. I've been considering making a thread about that day, but i guess this is the start. Perhaps i need to write in a journal. My head isn't as organized as paper can be. __________________ Condemnation without investigation is the height of ignorance. - Albert Einstein Properly trained, man can be a dog's best friend - i'll get his name once i get book back Last edited by Dozer McDozer; 12-13-2008 at 01:12 PM.

12-13-2008, 04:42 PM	#4 (permalink)
al-Mu'akhkhir Vem Para Ficar Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: in some pussy Posts: 3,203 Thanks: 500 Thanked 351 Times in 270 Posts	this is awesome. __________________

12-13-2008, 04:57 PM	#5 (permalink)
Dozer McDozer YaHookan Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 769 Thanks: 158 Thanked 86 Times in 77 Posts	care to explain Samadhi? i tried to find out __________________ Condemnation without investigation is the height of ignorance. - Albert Einstein Properly trained, man can be a dog's best friend - i'll get his name once i get book back

12-14-2008, 01:08 PM	#8 (permalink)
The Rev Clear Light Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In my head, somewhere. Posts: 17,863 Thanks: 5,015 Thanked 5,419 Times in 2,864 Posts	I use words like Enlightenment, Samadhi, Satori, etc. interchangeably. The way I have always understood it is, when you get the distractions of the mind out of the way, you see clearly what truly is. According to most spiritual traditions, having this experience is incredibly profound, and profound is a word I would use for what happend. I felt I saw something that was both the most obvious thing in the world, yet also totally inexpressible. Like trying to use things you can fill a glass with to explain what an empty glass is. And I really tried to find the words, even in the midst of it, so I wouldn't just be another person talking about an enlightenment experience, but sounding deliberately mysterious about it. Guys like that always give me the impression that they're trying to hide the fact that they're full of shit behind alot of mystical and vague references. All I could come up with were things like "Reality is a joke you are playing on yourself. Get it?" and that was as close as I could get. Or, "It's as obvious as God looking in a mirror." And while it made perfect sense then, it seems a little inexplicable now. The Rev __________________ Budforce - My Friend August 29, 1973- May 25, 2012

12-13-2008, 03:35 PM	#3 (permalink)
pacman lets get tropical Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: florida Posts: 711 Thanks: 60 Thanked 193 Times in 143 Posts	I enjoyed reading your trip. no more details?

12-14-2008, 02:52 PM	#9 (permalink)
Smaerd Guest Posts: n/a	I've been there but I find it hard to "live" there. If that makes any sense... Enlightenment imo is a teaching/lesson that some comes across in life that allows him/her the understanding of how to "share" "light". Some sadly find it a path that is closed after the lesson. Share it all Rev . I'd love to learn more about the buddhist/hindus learnings/methods of enlightenment but I don't restrict my personal growth by others. I'm not saying that it's not for me, I'm just trying to figure everything out for myself so I truely hold it inside as sacred. Cuz I think when one attain's knowledge it is so precious because it is the only thing that is theirs, aside from their body and 'choice'. First Spicolis spiritual awakening, now Rev's ego-death, who is next?

12-15-2008, 08:23 AM	#10 (permalink)
Ego Tripping Are you in? Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 13,468 Thanks: 229 Thanked 665 Times in 443 Posts	This, too, shall pass. __________________ God appears, and God is light, To those poor souls who dwell in night; But does a human form display To those who dwell in realms of day.

12-15-2008, 10:17 AM	#12 (permalink)
Ego Tripping Are you in? Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 13,468 Thanks: 229 Thanked 665 Times in 443 Posts	Mostly that I feel the experience of Satori, Samahdi, etc.. are transient experiences as all experience are transient. The inevitable passing of each moment and each experience can either be a shackle to one's desire to want to remain in bliss, or a liberation which enables one to find bliss throughout the experiences rather than within them. I've felt what Rev has felt many times, under and not under the influence of ingested supplements. At the time, of course, when the veil is lifted and the Truth is seen, one feels as if the clarity will never leave. Inevitably however, it does, and one has the realization (hopefully) that all enlightenment is actually not an experience, a realization, a breakthrough or anything of the sort. I feel that enlightenment transcends the experience of "understanding." Once one embraces the continuum and realizes that "this, too, shall pass", one embodies enlightenment. This is not to trivialize the experience of instant 'vision.' It's a joyous experience that one can ruminate on for the rest of their lives. Yet, to do so would be to go against the current of the river that the experience allowed one to see one's self in. Slowly, as the days tick by and we move away from that beautiful moment, the veil descends and it ends up being more akin to a dream than a reality. The clarity becomes befuddled, the wisdom becomes intangible and the love becomes hard to feel. This is not a negative thing, this is the true reality; constant change that remains the same. What I mean to say is, is that the one thing I took from those experiences is that the moment contains both, the enlightenment and the mundane. The moment passes, yes...but another arrives in it's place immediately, as beautiful and remarkable as the moment 'before' it, yet it's merely our perceptions and allowance of the moment that seperates 'Samadhi' from just 'another day.' It's our ability to realize the passiveness of the continuum that can lead us to embrace story after story, without judging one moment to be 'satori' and another to be not. In truth, the moment is neither yet contains everything (empty with such fullness) and it's only our willed choice of allowance that defines which is experienced.. __________________ God appears, and God is light, To those poor souls who dwell in night; But does a human form display To those who dwell in realms of day. Last edited by Ego Tripping; 12-15-2008 at 10:20 AM.

12-15-2008, 11:47 AM	#13 (permalink)
SageTree ~Kalyāṇa-mitrā~ Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: In Love Posts: 23,414 Blog Entries: 26 Thanks: 13,070 Thanked 6,767 Times in 4,664 Posts	My friend, now that is less vague and well understood. I'd like to add that when the veil comes back down, the experiance sticks with you, and overtime the veil, while raising and lowering, is easier to see for what it is,which is not a barrier, just another trasient experiance, as all experiances are. I think that is sort of along the lines of thought you expressed, no? Like an act in a play, even though the curtain rises and falls making the stage visable, it's really the feeling ofthe experiance you take with you, not the individual acts in said play. Would you agree? I really like the talks or level at which they take place in SS as of late. Not at all times do people lay forth so well what is going on in their minds and soul. The curtain is up in SS right now, for this time I am filled with joy. Blessings in continued exploration Your friend, Sage __________________ "What's oppressive is letting your life be confined by old definitions of what everything is." -Zen Meister my_scatterheart YaHooka is.... Cannabis lovers from around the world pulling up a comfy chair, picking up a vaporizer, a bong, a brownie, a pipe, or a joint, getting high, stoned, buzzed or healthy. Uniting our minds in conversation...While Portraying a Positive Image of marijuana and marijuana users to the world. Treat your fellow YaHookans with kindness,respect and tolerance.

12-15-2008, 12:37 PM	#14 (permalink)
OldMan&TheWeed been there done that Join Date: May 2006 Location: The West Posts: 2,281 Thanks: 294 Thanked 800 Times in 406 Posts	I've never done shrooms, or acid or any other hallucinogen. I plan to however when my children are grown. That'll be around 2017. __________________ Nintey-three percent of what I say is brilliant, factual information and seven percent is complete bullshit. Have fun deciding which is which.

12-18-2008, 07:47 AM	#15 (permalink)
reverie Trapeze Artist Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Canada Posts: 1,443 Thanks: 46 Thanked 93 Times in 66 Posts	Smeared.. you've got the right attitude goin on in the pursuit of knowledge. It is essential to come to an understanding cultivated by self rather than others. At the same time looking to others and various teachings of thought can lead your pursuit through some very profound adventures. It's about always having a vast array of sources to pull references from..because after all the only truth is a universal one, right? A vital aspect of it all is being open and free to be "like water making its way through the cracks." Rev and Ego, I deeply appreciate both of your posts. It really brings to the forefront of awareness how deeply rooted we are in a linear mode of operation for the majority of our dynamic existence. Its as if we're continuously waiting for something to happen while "The ongoing WOW is happening right now". Such close encounters with the subject are very inspiring. I think its about due time for another shroom trip myself...ahh __________________ "Only a Sith deals in absolutes." -Obi-Wan Kenobi "Where there is cruise there is an escort of anti-cruise. But even in a bastion of anti-cruise fodder... there is cruise" -Levitch Elegies and Reveries to No One. Aka: Poetry and shit.

12-19-2008, 05:18 PM	#16 (permalink)
The Rev Clear Light Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In my head, somewhere. Posts: 17,863 Thanks: 5,015 Thanked 5,419 Times in 2,864 Posts	It usually takes awhile to think out a good trip, and the danger is that my memory of it will not be good enough to derive really meaningful insights. However, I believe that what happened is, my ability to "think" in the sense of conceptualizing all of my experience to prop up the idea of "self" I habitually take to be the origin of my awareness, was totally scrambled and effectively shut down. And without all of that "mind" filling my awareness, I saw past it. I guess a good analogy would be having the ability to see to infinity, but there is always something a finite distance away blocking my sight. With that taken away, infinity is open to view. This explanation kinda fits with the different aspects of my trip. The amazing thing is how profound that emptiness can be. Infinity is essentially emptiness, so the analogy fits. There is nothing there but the seeing, and it is so profoundly beautiful and awe inducing that many things (like, most notably, death) just don't carry the same weight after the experience. Oddly, there's no real afterglow. My karma is the same (my habits of mind and being), and so, I feel the same. I just am not taking things so seriously now. The fear of death and helplessness that drove me on has faded. I don't know. It's hard to explain. The Rev __________________ Budforce - My Friend August 29, 1973- May 25, 2012

01-12-2009, 11:37 AM	#17 (permalink)
wnfakind YaHookan Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 43 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	I loved losing myself for the first time and then finding myself. There is no end to your begninning. There is no start or end of your perception, your mind. The whole universe. Opening the door's of perception is the next step in human advancment. Last edited by wnfakind; 01-12-2009 at 11:39 AM.

01-12-2009, 01:04 PM	#18 (permalink)
Ominous Toker Stick it to the man. Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Everywhere Posts: 358 Thanks: 24 Thanked 42 Times in 36 Posts	the closer you get to the meaning; the sooner you know that your dreaming. nothing like a random dio quote to sum it all up it goes on, and on, and on, its heaven and hell. Last edited by Ominous Toker; 01-12-2009 at 01:06 PM.

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01-14-2009, 06:21 AM	#19 (permalink)
Center YaHookan Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: on my way home Posts: 742 Thanks: 13 Thanked 103 Times in 72 Posts	Good for you, Rev! I've had experiences like you've described myself. I was completely sober (no such thing really as everything is a drug). I had been working on understanding my reality for a few years and started to be able to enduce these kind of experiences through deep meditation in the middle of nature after putting myself in the right mindstate. Profound stuff.