~1~

I got a problem in the 'hood and it's not what a lot of you may think...


Laura lives across the street from me, she is probably 85 right now and is alone in the two bedroom house she has lived in for the last 35 years. Her husband Johnny passed two years ago, he was 93. She has a son who lives in the house behind hers but he is confined to a wheelchair and although he can get himself around well, there is no way he can care for his mother. I think he may be in a bit of denial as to his mothers condition, I have asked him about in home care or assisted living but so far his response was a medic alert system, you know the 'I've fallen and I can't get up' thingie. Unfortunately those things only work if the person is aware of everything around them and can make the decision to push the damned button. This morning another of my neighbors whose family seems to be in the home care business came and knocked on my door and asked me to come help get Laura off the floor since she had fallen. Deja vu, this is almost exactly how it happened with Johnny, he had fallen once and I was able to get him back into bed (He was 6'4" and almost 200 lbs at 91, it was not easy...) that time, the next time I couldn't do it alone and couldn't find anyone who would help so I had to call 911. The paramedics came and took Johnny to the hospital, he never made it home...

I need to get it across to Jeff that his mother needs in home care or something, she can't be left alone in that house, if I can't do that then I'm afraid I may have to call in outside help but I don't know how he will take to that since it's really not my place to be calling the county in.

I feel Laura is probably on her way to joining her husband and shouldn't pass all alone in an empty house and really, I'm not the one who can sit bedside.

I guess I can use some suggestions as to where to go or what to do but moreso I think I just needed to get it off my chest. I know I'm not responsible in any way, shape or form for Lauras comfort or well being but for the last 18 years I've been telling her hello and listening to her tell me all about the happenings around here, I will miss her when she is gone...

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HTAM

You've known them for that long, open up with, 'Friends are the people that tell you the things you need to hear when you don't want to hear them...' and see how it goes.

After the 'Hi, how are you doing' greeting of course.

You can sell anything to anyone if you can just figure out how the sale will 'benefit' the buyer the most.

And offer to make sure you will come and visit her. If you can. That means a lot to someone who is potentially moving to a strange environment. But, make sure you visit if you say you will.

The Rev

You know she needs the care, so one way or another, you have to get the care to her that she needs. The ideal way for this to happen is for her son to do it. However, if he doesn't, then you should do it. I would give him the option, but tell him you're going to call the county if he doesn't act. It might piss him off, but so what? He can live without getting things his way better than his mom can live without assistance.



The Rev

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BibleGuy

The thought of calling the state in to enforce proper care is a tough one because the state will often override the autonomy of the individual against their will. You might consider a talk with Laura to see how she feels about all of this. For example, she may prefer to live out her life autonomously in her home until she passes rather than extending her time a month, or year, or five..., without that freedom. Many people would rather pass on at home rather than live longer in a nursing home or hospital bed or whatever. Others would welcome that level of care. What does Laura want?

You sound like a good, caring friend, No1.