HTAM

"....needs to surf a bit to get some perspective...."

I have been landlocked for over 20 years but I know a good wave can change the day.

HTAM

So, this is very true. It was hard for me to tell my Mom that I was having difficulty managing her meds. There were so many. Different times, different meds. I kept a notepad with what she was taking and when before she went to hospice.

Even though she had her shit packed up all the time ready to go back home, she understood how difficult it would be for her to continue to stay at home. In her case, with the type of pain management she was following, I could not leave her alone without some kind of monitoring.

It worked out quite well, though. My Mom was a nurse for 25 years. She would get out of bed and and go to the Nurses Station and talk to them about the day and what was going on. All the other Nurses loved it.

The real important thing to remember here is 'you' if you are in the caretaker situation. You need to make time for yourself. If you haven't moved them in, you can leave and go home. Which sometimes you need to do.

But you recharge and you go back.

We have the means to escort the terminal in their last days.

I'm telling you that it's a lot better to be there, or at least around- whether they are there or not.

Fear does not discriminate, nobody should be afraid and alone.

Mercury

Like I said before, my grandfather has alzheimers and my sister just quit a job where she worked directly with the worst of the worst patients. I know exactly what I'm talking about on a personal level.

One thing I am NOT saying is that I would ever abandon my grandfather or stop loving him. But I am saying that I cannot possibly be the one to see to all of his needs. All of his doctors appointments, his medications, his financial obligations and his day to day being just could not fall on my shoulders.

Thankfully my grandparents have excellent insurance which when the time comes will help put them in assisted living facilities when the time is needed and if there is any extra expense I'm sure my mom and dad will be there to support and I will personally visit with them on a regular basis.

This isnt the 1800's. You don't have a family so they can work your farm and take care of you in your old age. That logic isn't fair anymore.

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HTAM

So you choose not to, and I wouldn't criticize you because you say he has taken measurements to ensure you won't have to. And, really it's your choice.

I chose differently. I blew up my accounts at Schwab (IRA, Brokerage, and 401k), liq'd to cash and we spent the money for the next 18 months. Some days sucked ass. But I'm glad I was there for my Mom and she didn't get arrested. You guys have no idea how pissed off my Mother could get if she felt like someone was wasting her time- I mean, she was terminal, y'know?

I kept her from going over the counter after a Doctor's secretary one day. "YOU HIPPY BOOT MINI SKIRT WEARING BITCH!" Big Black Security Guard comes around the corner...6' 6" or better, a BIG mutha fucka talkin' about "What's goin' on here?!"

I told him straight up, "I got this, she WILL hit you if you touch her."

He says "Well" then a long pause as he's sizing my Mom up who has the 'Touch me Mutha Fucka, I dare you' look in her eyes and says "I'm calling the cops if you don't get her out of here" and looked at the secretary and walked out.



That was so awesome.

Why would you want to miss moments like that?

I don't mean to memorialize my Mom in my posts, I just thought that these stories would support my view about this topic.

fenderbender

Edit: to mercury

lol nobody is even arguing that point you idiot.

The thread is about how PR now considers his wife dead, therefor showing his heartlessness by abandoning(not just relinquishing care) the woman he "gave his life to".

You were also commending this man in one of the first few posts lol.

So honestly i have no fucking clue what your argument is, all i know is that it is a retarded one.

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Imagine there's no heaven,It's easy if you try

<3

HTAM

"i have no fucking clue what your argument is, all i know is that it is a retarded one."



The next time I'm losing ground in an argument I'm dropping that bomb.

Ego Tripping

I didn't plan this but I was listening to this while watching that video...



Sweet, sweet irony.

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mothernature

I don't think anyone is suggesting we should even try to care for the severely sick at home. I know there is no way I could have given my Mom the type of care she required. I did, however, go to her nursing home 3 times a week. I rolled her over and checked her for bedsores. I wheeled her around and talked to everyone. I told the staff stories about her, so they would view her as a real human being, instead of a lump of flesh.

I didn't care if my Mom didn't remember me. I remembered her.

So. I don't regret spending Christmas Eve in the ER with Mom, because she pulled her tubes out. I can't imagine being so selfish that I would consider her dead, when she's not. I saw the look of pain when they accidentally put the tube in her lung instead of her stomach. Dead people don't feel pain.

That's what I keep thinking of when I think of PR's advice. On Christmas Eve, he will be enjoying his new bride. Maybe having some egg nog and opening gifts. His ex-wife could be sitting alone in some ER, in pain, with no one to even hold her hand. Like I said originally...fuck that, fuck him, and if you are like that....then fuck you too.

HTAM: "YOU HIPPY BOOT MINI SKIRT WEARING BITCH!" I would have liked to have met your mother.

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Sometimes sleep is the best revenge- Luke

HTAM

A word to the wise-when a loved one is hospitalized or the like, make a trip to the grocery store and pick up some goodies for the Nurses. Junk food and not so junk food. If it falls under the 'snack and go' catagory, it'll work. Sometimes they won't get breaks to sit down and eat.

You do this and they will look after your loved one with extra attention and compassion.

I was admitted for pneumonia, bronchitis, and asthma-the triple threat.
Mom showed up with a few of bags of stuff the next day and left one on the bed table for me and took the other three to the Nurses Station.

When she came back, I asked her where she put the rest of my stuff. She laughed, and said, "That's for the Nurses. You'll be looked after just fine while I'm not here." I didn't get it.

Damn, she was right. The three days that I was there, I met all the Nurses who were on shift on the floor. All of them. They came in to ask me to tell my Mom thanks for bringing in all the stuff and a few times I had two of them in the room at the same time hanging out for a few minutes-that's a true oddity if you don't understand that.

Stonie Jo

This is a good idea; just making sure they know you are paying attention to what is going on with your relative is a good idea. When my grandmother was in the nursing home my mother went everyday on her way to work and sometimes in the evening just to check in on her. I have noticed most of the time anything bad happens it's during the third shift. My mom has done it all. Taken care of relatives at the nursing home and at home. I want to be like her when I grow up!~

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I've thought of something cool a thousand times for this but as I sit here stoned right now I can't come up with any of them............

medicinal only

Well said, Stonie Jo. My brother insisted he go to a hospice facility when he new the end was near because he didn't want to die at home. He thought it would traumatize the family. However, we all stepped up to the plate to make his end of life as comfortable as possible. He was aware he was loved by us all, from his first breath to his last. Your mother is a wonderful human being and she has obviously passed her goodness on to you.

Stonie Jo

Yea, she never thought twice about it either. She is awesome! I need to go see her tomorrow.

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I've thought of something cool a thousand times for this but as I sit here stoned right now I can't come up with any of them............

deadhead94

Any hospital I would end up in for the foreseeable future that isn't in a foreign country will give me the same care without the need for bribes. Mainly because all the nurses would know my dad.

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SageTree

Really awesome conversation folks.

I don't have anything to add, I'm glad this thread has been so productive.

This is the type of convo I feel we had ALL THE TIME in here not so long ago, so it's nice to seem folks jumping on hypothetical conversations and posting passionately the same way as larger/headier topics are talked about in Politics and Current Affairs.

Cheers.
SageTree

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HTAM

We're not talking about the Loony Bin, dork.

SageTree

"(In)famous Dad"


***scribble scribble scribble***


"Veddy interestink"

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myxomatosis

I gotta say I keep seeing this over and over and thinking it's a Pat Robertson is dead thread. I'm happy for about 10 seconds until I realize it's not.

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oh sometimes the blues is just a passing bird
and why can't that always be
tossing aside from your birches crown
just enough dark to see
how you're the light over me

last.fm
blog deal (updated 12/22/11)

SageTree

oh myx-a-lot!

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medicinal only

Nice shot HTAM. Thorazine drips, on the house!!!

Stonie Jo

He just said all the NURSES - nothing about doctors!!

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I've thought of something cool a thousand times for this but as I sit here stoned right now I can't come up with any of them............