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Old 05-24-2014, 02:41 PM   #61 (permalink)
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I see that most of the time Anger stems from a lack or a perceived loss of control. Letting that need of control go tends to subside the anger and allow me to move into a headspace that is more productive to move forward.

Also asking myself, what is really making me mad, is it a lack of understanding or is it the lack of being able to know the outcome(controlling the situation). More often than naught it is the "fear" of the unknown(control of the situation) that leads to the anger response.

I wish I had a mantra or a quick fix, however we all experience things differently and what works for me may not work for all.
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tyrannical apathy
militant ignorance
recreational outrage
free lunch felon
prosperity gospel
predatory delay
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Old 05-24-2014, 02:43 PM   #62 (permalink)
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Thanks for the thoughtful reply, Grieves. How do you go about convincing yourself to "let go" ?
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Old 05-24-2014, 02:50 PM   #63 (permalink)
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I try to remove myself from the situation through empathy for where the other person is coming from and trying to devise a way where we can meet "halfway".

It's not the best tactic but it seems to help when instead of trying to get what I want which can escalate the situation, I ask "what would you like".
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tyrannical apathy
militant ignorance
recreational outrage
free lunch felon
prosperity gospel
predatory delay
aggravated boredom
sonic dysentery
what is your god trying to prove
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Old 05-24-2014, 04:58 PM   #64 (permalink)
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I like to drive fast and sing loud and then do primal grunting/screaming/roaring for a while when something is bothering me I can't seem to get off my chest.

In my car. So as to not tarnish my reputation around peers and neighbors.
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Old 05-24-2014, 05:09 PM   #65 (permalink)
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I hide in alleys with a pipe and wait for "anger partners" to walk by.

Or I resort to inappropriate humor or self righteous proselyting, whichever comes more naturally at the moment.



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Old 05-24-2014, 05:21 PM   #66 (permalink)
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Anytime you have any kind of unwanted emotions happening you can play the appreciation game with yourself. The most effective way of interrupting negative feelings through conscious application is manipulating your attention. So the appreciation game is when you just find something to appreciate in the moment about yourself or your experience or even other people. This method is cool because it doesnt even require action, although you can do that too. All it requires is an alteration of your attention. Appreciation, genuine appreciation, cannot co-exist with negative emotions. It "overrides" them because our attention is only meant to handle one emotion at a time, generally speaking. It sounds simple but try it out next time you feel bad. It works for depression, anxiety, anger, etc etc.

A similar game is the self-acknowledgement game, but this has more to do with value than neutralizing negative emotions. When you feel down about yourself acknowledge something that you like about yourself or that you have accomplished, no matter how small or large. The affect on attention is the same- it interrupts the cycle of negativity and allows for new feelings. The more you acknowledge yourself the less you will feel down about yourself.

If these things sound overly-simple, its because they are. But keep in mind they are not permanent solutions, they are more quick-fixes in the moment that you can make to tweak your energy. You subsequently have to dig deeper and discover the issues you hold that cause you to feel those things in a "big picture" sense. Its much easier to engage that action of self-reflection, however, when you arent inundated with shitty feelings.
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Old 05-24-2014, 09:46 PM   #67 (permalink)
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Those moments when you realize that you don't really have fuck-all to complain about,
and you have it pretty good.
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Old 05-24-2014, 10:03 PM   #68 (permalink)
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I dont like that attitude to be honest. The human mind works in a way that problems are relative. Its bad to discount the problems that people face by saying they have it good when in fact the issues they have are causing them just as much suffering as someone who doesnt have it good. its all relative. doesnt matter if you have it good or not- you are still susceptible to suffering and to problems. some people are less able to deal with stuff than other people. thats just how it is.

that said, realizing how good you have it can be a powerful tool in helping to overcome that suffering. i just mean to say that we shouldnt compare suffering like we compare cock size. its all relative.
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Old 05-24-2014, 10:20 PM   #69 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Waves View Post
I dont like that attitude to be honest. The human mind works in a way that problems are relative. Its bad to discount the problems that people face by saying they have it good when in fact the issues they have are causing them just as much suffering as someone who doesnt have it good. its all relative. doesnt matter if you have it good or not- you are still susceptible to suffering and to problems. some people are less able to deal with stuff than other people. thats just how it is.

that said, realizing how good you have it can be a powerful tool in helping to overcome that suffering. i just mean to say that we shouldnt compare suffering like we compare cock size. its all relative.


So.... what spawned this thought tonight at work, was me taking some supplies out to a man who was kicked out of the shelter for a few days, because of drinking in his bunk a couple of times.

He was now sleeping under the deck of the church next to us, in the dirt, surrounded by vodka bottles, cans of soda, flavour drink mix and hand sanitizer.

Sure, the way I feel knowing this is 'policy' and that this guy is suffering like this. (it's 32F tonight)
And he's under this deck, barely fucking moving.... I think I'm walking up on a dead man, after nudging him about 5 times on the leg....
.... Is suffering to me.


But in the end, I get to sit on my warm ass couch and suffer the thought of how this man's night is going to go, despite my best efforts to help him build some warm shelter with a couple materials and blankets I brought out.
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Old 05-24-2014, 10:55 PM   #70 (permalink)
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Ya that sucks.

"We are powerless over alcohol".

You did your best.
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Old 05-24-2014, 11:13 PM   #71 (permalink)
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So all I'm saying it', that moment when you realize that life is pretty good.....
which is to say, I have a mighty fucking convenient place to sweat out life's worries and concern, not that we are devoid of struggle at any point.
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Old 05-24-2014, 11:15 PM   #72 (permalink)
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That's right.
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Old 05-24-2014, 11:29 PM   #73 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Waves View Post
Anytime you have any kind of unwanted emotions happening you can play the appreciation game with yourself. The most effective way of interrupting negative feelings through conscious application is manipulating your attention. So the appreciation game is when you just find something to appreciate in the moment about yourself or your experience or even other people. This method is cool because it doesnt even require action, although you can do that too. All it requires is an alteration of your attention. Appreciation, genuine appreciation, cannot co-exist with negative emotions. It "overrides" them because our attention is only meant to handle one emotion at a time, generally speaking. It sounds simple but try it out next time you feel bad. It works for depression, anxiety, anger, etc etc.

A similar game is the self-acknowledgement game, but this has more to do with value than neutralizing negative emotions. When you feel down about yourself acknowledge something that you like about yourself or that you have accomplished, no matter how small or large. The affect on attention is the same- it interrupts the cycle of negativity and allows for new feelings. The more you acknowledge yourself the less you will feel down about yourself.

If these things sound overly-simple, its because they are. But keep in mind they are not permanent solutions, they are more quick-fixes in the moment that you can make to tweak your energy. You subsequently have to dig deeper and discover the issues you hold that cause you to feel those things in a "big picture" sense. Its much easier to engage that action of self-reflection, however, when you arent inundated with shitty feelings.
Thanks for this, Waves.
Actually helped me tonight with social anxiety. Cheers.
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"The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in."
-Jelaluddin Rumi

"Not self-wrought is this puppet form,
Nor other-wrought this mass of woe;
Condition-based it comes to be
Condition-ceased it endeth, lo."
-Sister Sela

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Old 05-24-2014, 11:40 PM   #74 (permalink)
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The more you try to control your life, the more frustrated you're going to find yourself. But what a crisis to fear that not having that control means destroying your life? That's the essence of low self-esteem. Desperately searching for a way to become someone you can feel safe with, in the face of an absolute certainty that that way cannot exist by simple virtue of the need to look.

:gourd:

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Old 05-24-2014, 11:55 PM   #75 (permalink)
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Okay i love that thought. The idea that the attempt to control results mostly in frustration is true. Alot of it depends on what you are trying to control. Usually people attempt to control things which are inherently outside of their control- the world, other people, situations, etc. The way you do it is by changing the INNER so that the outer can reflect a different energy. You dont have to TRY to CONTROL the inner because its a part of you, and you dont need to control that any more than you need to control your breathing or your heart beat.

There is a difference though, between manipulating your own consciousness and attempting to control outside circumstances that you cannot control. Monks and guys like this: The Wim Hof Method *Revealed* - How to Consciously Control Your Immune System are not ATTEMPTING to control what is outside of their ability to control- they are consciously manipulating their own consciousness to achieve a desired effect. Theres a distinction. By allowing yourself to manipulate your inner, you change your relationship to the outer, which alters the outer. Wim Hof does not control the temperature. He does control his body and how his body reacts to that temperature. We cant control the universe and we cant decide what the universe throws at us, but we can control how we react to the universe throwing stuff at us, and therein lies our true power. The outside doesnt need to be changed. It already works as intended. The inside is a malleable flexible machine that will bend to your whims, the outer is a cold emotionless universe that doesnt give a shit about your whims. So ideally you focus on controlling that which you have the ability to control.
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Old 05-25-2014, 09:04 AM   #76 (permalink)
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Waves,

Could you at least acknowledge that I replied,
trying to share a deeper look at why I said what I said.

Otherwise, you just disagreeing and moving on feels a bit rude,
or like I opened up more because I thought we were going into a conversation,
and then only to discover that I was naked and you were still clothed.
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Old 05-25-2014, 02:12 PM   #77 (permalink)
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I can't believe I'm the one saying this, but you really overthink stuff, Waves. Divide and subdivide. Classify. Identify! Stop analyzing the finger, or you will miss analyzing all the heavenly glory!



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Old 05-26-2014, 12:31 AM   #78 (permalink)
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Can people conceptualize simple feelings anymore without turning them into high theater first? Reality shows are ruining our ability to take things seriously with dignity.



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Old 05-26-2014, 02:58 AM   #79 (permalink)
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we aren't our emotions?!!
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"The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in."
-Jelaluddin Rumi

"Not self-wrought is this puppet form,
Nor other-wrought this mass of woe;
Condition-based it comes to be
Condition-ceased it endeth, lo."
-Sister Sela

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Old 05-26-2014, 03:36 AM   #80 (permalink)
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You ever try so hard to find yourself in the outside world that you forget to experience those things for yourself?
My life for the last 3 years, it seems.
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"The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in."
-Jelaluddin Rumi

"Not self-wrought is this puppet form,
Nor other-wrought this mass of woe;
Condition-based it comes to be
Condition-ceased it endeth, lo."
-Sister Sela

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