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Old 11-08-2015, 02:33 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Being single in your twenties.

I went out clubbing this weekend and being single in your twenties is such a strange place to be. I'm in my mid twenties and a lot of my friends are settled down, don't go out and you kind of lose them but you're happy for them. Then you have your single friends and everyone seems so lonely and sexually frustrated. Being in a relationship and sex are nice, I get it. But whenever I go out now I'm with a bunch of single dudes "hunting for hoes" and of course all of us are clueless how to talk to women or what they even want. You tend to over analyze absolutely everything. Basically your weekends turn into a bad sitcom.

I would hit up these clubs to meet women. Stand in long lines, be around the most obnoxious drunk people ever, spend my rent money at the bar and have awkward conversations with strangers. Some of my friends even watch pick up artists videos on youtube which I tend to roll my eyes at and I've never been the type of guy to hit on a dozen women on the dance floor. I get pretty lonely myself sometimes. I live alone and some weeks it feels like the human contact I get is at work. I've only been in two serious relationships and I was the happiest when I was in them and wasn't drinking or smoking or gambling. Unfortunately I made it so I depended on those relationships so when things ended I went back to my old self destructive ways. I feel so many people do the same. Depend on relationships.

I look at the people in my life. My parents aren't even officially divorced yet and they're desperately dating. My friends are dragging me to clubs (alright, it doesn't take too much convincing) to find "the one" or at least a steamy one night stand. I was on tinder and pof and met quite a few different women on it but the entire experience got old so fast. The internet seemed to shift dating entirely. We have so many ways to be social while being antisocial. I still haven't decided whether that's a beautiful thing or an ugly thing. Lately I've been trying to spend the energy most people do in dating and getting laid into working on myself. Work on finding ways to cope with my problems, learn, find a hobby, find how to be happy with myself. Sure, I'm still probably going to go to these clubs every so often and sure I might hop on tinder occasionally but it's not going to be on top of my priorities.

I'm not single I'm just dating myself. Boy oh boy the relationship is on the rocks though but at least the sex is great. It's a strange place to be in life especially when the entire world is telling you should date.
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Old 11-08-2015, 03:56 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Yep.
I am single.. I also haven't really been able to connect and make any close friends since my recovery..

I do not go out on dates and do not need to be in a relationship to feel complete.
I do get lonely, but it's not a big deal.. I know I need to focus on myself instead of focusing my attention on someone else.

Dont need to be I. A relationship to be happy.. Was in one too young and was very immature emotionally and mentally..

Still looking for friends that are the "right fit"..
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Old 11-08-2015, 04:26 PM   #3 (permalink)
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TFW you start going to clubs and bars in your late 20's
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tyrannical apathy
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Old 11-08-2015, 06:15 PM   #4 (permalink)
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you will (probably) never attract the person you want until you are okay with yourself. a healthy relationship is not made from codependency
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Old 11-08-2015, 06:32 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Yeah bars and clubs are gay unless you actually want to go. No one even asks me anymore and that's a good thing.
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Old 11-09-2015, 03:04 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Genuinely-- finding a hobby is a fantastic idea.

You may even eventually find someone you click with on a meaningful level through it.
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Old 11-09-2015, 06:33 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Normal to drift from your people as you need to make your own people or you'll become no one's people.
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Old 11-09-2015, 04:18 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I can relate to a lot of the feelings in the OP, but don't worry too much. Of all adult decades, 20s is the most widely regarded as 'should be single'. So theres that. Not that it matters what the widely regarded is.
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Old 11-09-2015, 05:05 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
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Genuinely-- finding a hobby is a fantastic idea.

You may even eventually find someone you click with on a meaningful level through it.

Very true. It wasn't until we both hit Level 15 that my eGF and I really hit it off.
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Old 11-10-2015, 12:40 AM   #10 (permalink)
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don't settle. be blown away.

i'm 20-something ans have been single majority of my twenties. i've lived on my own since i was seventeen-- besides a stint with oma in university-- and would struggle to give up my personal space.. it's great having people around, but it's amazing having your own space and being content with yourself. you shouldn't need a partner to validate your existence, they should be a compliment.

like does your apartment need a humidifier but you don't have one? try to work on basic life stuff like that and being happy in your own skin. it's easier to satisfy others when you can satisfy yourself.
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no doubt. the first place i had these was at Space Camp.

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stfu with this pretend bullshit cutesy "lol @ bears"
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Old 03-04-2016, 02:40 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Great post. I'm 32 and single.. sometimes I think it's the Universes way of telling me I'm not supposed to be locked down, so I can travel and move somewhere in the next year or two.

Sometimes I think I just want a dog.

My shit is very well together - my career, live a lone, apartment and car on point, i'm pretty fit, have an awesome group of friends. Not to brag.. but I honestly think I'm a winning scratch off ticket that some lady will eventually luck out and hit on. I do meet a lot of women online, and I approach in real life too, but I don't seem to meet women I'm really that into, or the once in a while I do meet one and it doesn't work out.

Sometimes I think my standards are just too high.. but is it that wrong to not want to settle - to want someone who is on the same level as me?

I definitely get lonely once and a while - but what's more common is sexual frustration, if I get beyond 3 months of not having sex, that shit gets real.

In the meantime.. I'm planning my trips to Japan and Thailand, last year did 3 other countries and 2 states and if I don't meet someone and get sucked into marriage & kids, I'll move to Boulder in 2017 or maybe even Hawaii or Cali.

BTW.. being a lone has been one of the greatest spiritual/life catalysts. I would never be where I am today if it wasn't for being a lone. Not to be judgmental, but I look around at some of my friends (ALL of them are in relationships) and most of them don't do the things I do, like travel, etc.. and I do think a lot of that has to do with the complacency they are in which is co-signed by a codependent relationship..
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Old 03-04-2016, 11:55 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I totally agree with the above.

But man people need to get laid.

It's hard when you don't drink anymore
To get laid.

You can't really just go out and not like I ran around having one night stands.. But..

If I saw someone I...

I've said too much.
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"Shit is cash I love to lose myself to narrative while simultaneously soaking in nature and watching the frogs bang."
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"NCC: A Cautionary Tale of Condoms and Crises", OR "YOLO: Ballsack Barnacles & Babies"

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Old 03-05-2016, 12:03 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I didn't run around having one night stands.
But I wish I could.
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"I browse at work. If some nerd had a problem with dicks I'd stare him in the eyes then magnify the picture in question without saying a word."

"Shit is cash I love to lose myself to narrative while simultaneously soaking in nature and watching the frogs bang."
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"NCC: A Cautionary Tale of Condoms and Crises", OR "YOLO: Ballsack Barnacles & Babies"

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Old 03-05-2016, 02:31 AM   #14 (permalink)
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You're right.. sex is important for psychological reasons for sure. Why can't you just go out and get laid? I agree.. when I was still drinking it was MUCH easier. Now I meet women who are way more uptight about sex because they tend to have their shit together, and for reasons I can't understand those 2 things seem to be correlated. Just last night I had this good looking female, on my couch, us a lone, making out etc. Hit a wall.. carried her to my room to show her my bed.. hit a wall... lol.. if we were drunk wed have fucked for sure. Granted it was only the 3rd time we ever hung out, and I like sex with emotion 100x better, but I can have sex with a stranger, I don't have hang ups about it...

Too bad you're all the way up in Canadian. We could do eachother a favor
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Old 03-05-2016, 02:46 AM   #15 (permalink)
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did you actually carry that girl into a wall? or are you talking metaphorical walls here?
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Old 03-05-2016, 05:04 AM   #16 (permalink)
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hahaha.. i met metaphorical.. BUT.. I absolutely did pick her up and hold her up against a wall.. I used all my tactics
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Old 03-05-2016, 06:48 AM   #17 (permalink)
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"I browse at work. If some nerd had a problem with dicks I'd stare him in the eyes then magnify the picture in question without saying a word."

"Shit is cash I love to lose myself to narrative while simultaneously soaking in nature and watching the frogs bang."
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"NCC: A Cautionary Tale of Condoms and Crises", OR "YOLO: Ballsack Barnacles & Babies"

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Old 03-05-2016, 09:20 AM   #18 (permalink)
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If it makes anyone feel any better, things have not changed a whole lot since I was in my 20's, , ,

-c-
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Old 03-05-2016, 07:48 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Live it up Toasty. I'm less inclined to travel as much as I have been now that I ain't single.

And get a dog!!
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Old 03-05-2016, 08:14 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Travels with Wife.... Just sayin
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