Bud Head

There is a difference between spanking and beating/abusing children...

Sometime it takes a pop on the bottom to get their attention.. You don't have to leave marks though...

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Dell Brandstone

yeah, my parents spanked me, and i'm fine from it. i'm gunna do it to my kids.

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kamikazi89

i agree, children are a responsibility..not property

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The SARS Volta

I was physically disciplined as a kid, never spanked on the ass the traditional way. Mostly slapped in the face. I recall getting the belt once (could have been more). I do not partake in school shootings, rapefests nor do I deal yay, but I attribute none of that to getting smacked over wrongdoings as a tot.

Do I feel as if I were abused or traumatized? No, but that doesn't mean I would advocate such a disciplinary method. Fuck using your size over a youngin' as a display of power, IMO. If anything, what my dad would say to belittle me made far more an impact over all times he popped me in the face.

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Bearsy

My mother, two brothers and I were physically and verbally abused by my father for years. Probabaly from age 6 and on til about 15 I would get regular beatings from him.

We'd get spankings and his favorite thing to say was "Every time you jump up I'm going to start over"

In one school I went to they used a demerit system and he would give me 15 "spankings"(more like whippings) with a belt on bare ass for each demerit.
One day I was in a foul mood and I got something like 11 demerits... (1 or 2 was average for me) and I was supposed to get 150 whippings with a leather belt and I ended up getting something like 250-300 in one night.

I'd get punched in the face until my nose bled and then I'd still have to go to school the next day and lie to my friends and teachers that I got into a fight or jumped or something.

And it was always reiterated that it was my fault and that it was biblical...

Verses like these...

"He that spares his rod hates his son: but he that loves him chastens him diligently."
"Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying."
"Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."
"Withhold not correction from the child: for if you beat him with the rod, he shall not die."
"Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."

Were printed out and taped to walls on the house

Things as simple as a white lie would elicit a lay on the bed and drop your drawers...

Here's a list of various spanking tools my dad used...
Belt
Oak Boat Oar(this ended up getting broken over my brothers back one day)
2x4
Vacuum Cleaner Cord
Ping Pong paddle with holes drilled into it

The whole time I thought it was normal.



And despite the history of abuse against me, I'm gonna spank my kids.

Nowhere near as bad as I was spanked, but they're getting pops on the ass when they fuck up.
Spanking works in limited amounts.
My mom never spanked us unless it was something really terrible.
And although I'd probably already been beaten 2 or three times that week by my dad, it always hurt a lot more(and stuck in my mind that what I did was bad) when my mom would pop me on the ass with the belt a few times.

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Zooey

Holy in denial batman, Bearsy.

I hope you heal from your fathers abuse before you have children.

Bearsy

I don't see the correlation.

Discipline is a very good thing. When it's taken to extremes is when it's wrong.

Saying I've got no problem with giving a kid a couple slaps on the butt is not at all in denial.

But thank you for your concern anyways.

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LetsPlayYourWay

Cure ADD before it starts.

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Zooey

Hitting kids is lazy parenting.
Thats it. End.

As per that last quoted segment, slunt, I have a 3 year old who cooks with me daily.
He's never burnt himself. Ever.
And I've never hit him.

[Oh, and my parents did hit me. And no, I didn't/don't understand it.]

Hitting is not okay, in any form, in my house. Thats parent to kid, kid to parent, parent to parent, sibling to sibling. Its a bit backwards to teach a kid not to hit by hitting them, dontchathink?

And every human being has a right to not be hit. Even little ones. Especially little ones.

SweetSativa

I don't think that anyone would recommend spanking or grounding or any other form of positive or negative punishment (positive= something 'inflicted' such as spanking or extra chores and negative= something 'taken away' such as losing privileges) without also talking to your kids. This would serve to train them as animals but would not develop trust or anything. In fact, in the rare instances that I have spanked (particularly in the previous years when I first posted this topic); I spent much more time talking than instances that did not 'call for' spanking.

My son is turning 8 tomorrow and has been spanked a hand-full of times in his life. Could he have learned without the spankings... yes, probably so. Have I ever abused my children? No, absolutely not. We probably speak more about emotions, motivations, etc... than most people. Our kids are encouraged to express themselves in a safe manner and not punished for being angry, loud, etc. They are allowed to have their emotions (in fact, I've even had a few conversations with the school because they are so hell-bent on taking them all away). They're even allowed to express their dislike for our decisions. It may not change our decision but we do listen and we do explain why things are as they are.

With the exception of abusive punishment (and there is a difference between a couple of swats on the bottom and beating a child), what matters is not as much the form of discipline used but that love and respect are shown to the children at all times.

BTW, I work with kids who really have been abused. I've worked with these boys (12-18) for the past 2 years and it makes me really appreciate our family. Our children are very fortunate to be loved by people who put them above all other priorities. I have very good children (I'm still really glad he's out of the 'hurting his sister' phase. She STILL has scars on her arms... it was not a fun issue to deal with)

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kamikazi89

i agree whole heartedly

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Kishar

Spanking your children is o.k as long as you dont get out of hand and hurt them. You should touch them up hard enough to get their attention and that usually does the trick. Because they'll remember if "I do that again im gonna get an ass whoopin." Butt whoopins work but that "time out" shit is for the birds. My friend wont spank his son because he used to get it as a kid. When they get older and start doing bad things their not afraid of time out anymore and you have to resort to the good old hand across the ass.

I used to get it all the time when I was a kid and I think I turned out pretty good and I dont resent my parents for it either

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kamikazi89

my dad never laid a hand on us, didn't have too..betsy has never done anything to deserve one, and pete fights back

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Captain Cannabis

i was spanked as a child, but i probably deserved it. if my children are anything like me, then i am probably going to need to read some parenting books

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Smaerd

I'd just do the old time out then lecture, I think that would give them the best learning experiance. Associating pain with broken norms I think is kind of ridonk for a child. My parents spanked me here and there but overall the problem was they didn't care at all.

smallmac1

I wish my parents had spanked me, I think because they didn't I dont have any motivation. I've barely ever been punished lol. Also my mom cant get in my head with her guilt trips...terrible...t errible guilt trips. She would make me think she was gunna kill herself lol. When I get kids if they do bad stuff Im gunna spank them. I usually knew when I was donig bad things but did them cuz i wouldnt get spanked.

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Spinnaker

My parents spanked me, although they always made it clear on what it was for. I always understood.

AND I NEVER DID IT AGAIN.

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Krunk

My parents spanked me when I deserved it.

My dad was always chill about it once I got to a certain age. When he would get home from work, my mom would always be like "OMG Krunk was bad today, he needs THREE spankings!" So my dad would bring me in the bathroom, and then smack his own leg three times (loud enough for my mom to hear it in the kitchen), and I'd make noises like it hurt while holding back laughter.


and yes, I'm going to spank my kids. Not hard though. Its more about the anticipation of the spanking than the actual spanking itself.

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PrinceDreamer

I have 2 boys aged 8 & 10 and i can count on 1 hand the number of times i have had to spank either of them, I am lucky in that i have a deep voice which booms if i shout, this is generally enough to freeze them in their tracks and stop any misbehaving. The relationship i have with them is close and loving and they trust me completely. They know if i start t shout they have crossed the line.

I found being firm is the key, if you tell a child NO but tehn grow weak and allow them to continue, you set a pattern. I always made sure my kids did exactly as i told them, even if i had to stand over them and make them do it. And it worked well. On the very few occasions I have physically punished my children, it has been because what they were doing was dangerous.

There is a difference between a mild physical rebuke and beating a child as punishment, you only have to look in nature to see this, for example if a lion cub is misbehaving its mother will often give it a little nip to calm it down which works, or a roar from dad has the same effect. These animals are not cruel to their offspring, in fact they on the whole make good parents.

But cruelty to children does exist, and mental abuse also, and some ppl don't know where to draw the line. The biggest issue is the capability of the parent, the character and disposition of the child, some children are near uncontrollable because of character or upbringing, and some parents just don't have a clue.

There has to be a balance, hitting a child (and yes spanking is hitting) for continually doing something that is dangerous to themselves or others, as a way to say this kind of behavior is bad and will cause you pain, is to me ok. to beat a child because they refuse to eat dinner or spill a drink is another.

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Santeria

i started out spanking my first, but after just a couple times i knew it was wrong. hitting just teaches children to solve their problems through violence.

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