roll

Ok, long story short: i quit four years ago because i was working (a well payed job) and my uncle (he got me the job) didn't wanted his reputation to go downhill (by recommending a pot-head is suppose). I get the withdrawals, cravings for weed, etc, WHILE working, can't stand it anymore and i QUIT the job, return home (i worked in that period of time in another state) and first thing i do is buy a marijuana bag. i smoke it and feel like shit, mentally ill and guilty for leaving my job. (maybe if i would've smoked while working i would still be working but because of respect to my uncle i didn't do it so i had to quit so i could smoke (again).) my pothead buddy tells me 'why you quit the job and came back? and smiles in a way that i still remember as horrific (while working i had sent him some e-mails telling him i had quit and that i was having a rough time, he tells me: 'fuck'em, come back'.

next years i feel nothing for life and start thinking marijuana had to do with my depression (i hate that word, but i guess that's the word) and possible schizophrenia or maybe i had predisposition, who knows, honestly, it certainly seems to be related (in abuse cases, like mine was) to such mental illnesses.

I had sporadically a joint or two for the next four months and always feel like 'i don't need this'. needless to say i felt my whole lifestyle go to drain.

So after four years of not smoking and feeling 'nothing' my mental health starts to deteriorate and from site to site i end up in this 'sociopathic.net' (you can see my posts there, i am 'EfeEquis') so i wonder 'do quitting marijuana made me good? (i think i would've never end up in such site had depression not set in) while i struggle with desolation, my pothead friend seems to be okay with life and i hope he writes me sometime.

I am currently applying for a well payed job, feel relatively calm and okay (after dealing with my issues and thanks to the guidance of Erich Fromm i believe) don't think i am a 'psychopath' or am mentally ill (at least not anymore), a part of me wonders what TRULY happened to me, and what
would happen if now (after four years of not smoking) i smoke again. (I don't smoke 'normal' cigs anymore as well)

A part of me feels i can't really 'conect good enough with people' or 'be really interested on having a conversation with' which may cause some trouble on the job, i do hope i start being nicer tho (in case this attitude looks as me being an asshole?).

I don't know, i fear that if i smoke again (don't even have the desire honestly) my mind will go 'back to 2006' (the year i stopped) and this will cause more chaos in my mind.

Obviously marijuana had a terrible impact on me, or (i think) i wouldn't be in this site after four years (or talk about it), given that, i am currently sober (i do drink a beer/wine once or twice a month but it's been feeling horrible lately (to drink)).

I guess that what i'm looking for is a sense of 'pertenency', i read in here about symptoms (from people trying to quit) and i feel lucky i already am ok sober, but a part of me wonders 'what would happen?'. Needless to say that if i get fucked up in the mind by smoking again, i will probably lose the job i'm applying to.

Maybe i want a 'don't do it' from current users, or want to 'recover' the 'personality' i feel i lost by either a) smoking, b) quitting. Anyways, sometimes, i miss the pothead sense of humour...

Cheers everybody.

roll

I suppose i miss that 'part of me...'

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Thanks for replying Turm.

roll

I think thats true, even tho i admit that ever since i told him 'maybe i should've died' (and then i direct to him as 'God' instead of HIM) i don't think he will ever write me again. He doesn't lives in the same state as i do.

I have to tell you that i acted wrongly with him, and he was nice and sometimes i wonder if he would still be the same man without marijuana.

He wasn't the only one that i 'lost' when i returned home (i felt i couldn't communicate with anyone anymore)

msicidron

all i can say is if you decide to never smoke weed again, please don't go around speaking ill of weed. it aint weeds fault

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roll

Ok.

Sugar420

i think if theres any question or thought that it might be a bad idea to smoke weed again then you should not do it.
but more important than that i think you should try not to think of smoking at all as "smoking or not smoking" is not issue to concentrate on, but instead concentrate on getting/being healthy by doing all the other things which are good for you : eating healthy, fun physical exercise, fun mental exercise like crosswords/sudoku or whatever you enjoy. maybe you want to see a doctor/therapist just to make sure you are on a path towards better and better mental/physical health
but smoking i think should be at the bottom of your list of things to think about for now

Mikey

that.

and that applies to everything in life, not just pot.

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RIP Gov

my_scatterheart

lol @ marij. withdrawals and quitting a well paying job over "them"
I think this clearly demonstrates you can't handle weed

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Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

Qui-Bong Jinn

What do you think you should do? From what I've read you're life has been fucked ever since quitting, so I'd start again.

AfroHorse

don't risk smoking weed again right now with this job application, sounds like you could easily have another bad reaction if you did



were you a daily smoker before you got the job your uncle sorted you with?

roll

I smoked three joints daily for three years AfroHorse.

Anyways i think marijuana should be legalized (all around the world). if anything the only danger is to end up like scatterheart, but i guess he's ok.

I may smoke one day, when i have my house. who knows...

I want to specially thank to Veda and Mikey, and may peace be with you stoners, i think i'll stick with milk and new sort of friendships.

Good luck to you all.

shelbert008

errr, scatterheart is a girl. And she's pretty chill, she's got her own views on things but all in all she's a real cool chick.

But yeah pretty much what everyone else said, if you're stressing about it that much then just don't smoke. And I really agree with v3d4, you should consider going to see a therapist. They'll be able to give you an impartial view on the matter and may even help you handle some of stresses.

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my_scatterheart

LOL. So now I'm getting PMs about this. Which pretty much means I need to make it clearer.
There are no weed withdrawals. You may have a laundry list of ailments that arise when you stop smoking weed...that doesn't make them weed withdrawals. It makes them underlying issues that you've been covering up by smoking weed all the time.
This isn't beneficial in any realm.
There are no weed withdrawals, and therefore quitting a job because of something that isn't there ... which is really just all the issues you have coming to the surface... is silly. You shouldn't be smoking weed. You should be fixing whatever issues you need to work on.

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Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

roll

Who PM'ed you scatterheart? yeah maybe i didn't liked the job (or wanted to do something else with my life instead of what i was doing back then) who knows. That's why i think marijuana should be legal, there are people who grew up with loving parents outthere and that may not have any underlying issue as you put it.

Fact is even if i don't like the job i'm applying to (i hope i do tho) i hope i get it, I'm not getting younger and have not much options to make a living as a musician and/or a painter (which is my real profession), here in México, the job is at Texas and God knows i need the money (and why not, the job too), but i suppose you don't give a flying fuck about it.

I just watched 'Bad lieutenant' btw, they smoke marijuana there. And the character of Nicolas Cage virtually rapes a woman and then life solves for him, not so for the girl he virtually raped, which makes me think, that maybe, just maybe, if one is raped, is worse than being murdered (because you remember the rape all your life, so it must be hard to comprehend so one can 'let it go' despite your body reminding you of it for the rest of your life (not exactly that, but, like a physical scar).

I appreciate your concern scatterheart, truth is, i would've probably been better had i not smoked marijuana in the first place (or being born in the first place, but that's going too far :P).

Cheers girl.

my_scatterheart

Good luck dude. Hope it all works out in the best possible way

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Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

SmokeaJoint

If you think there are no weed withdrawals then explain the cravings for the ganja I have, the insomnia I never had till I had to quit, the change in attitude, the loss of appetite that was never there before I smoked, the random mood swings I've been having and everything else. Underlying problems? Nah this never happened pre-weed and during my usage. Some people don't experience withdrawls, some have a gentler version, but its a real thing.

*edit* Weed doesn't have a physical addiction, but it does have a psychological one. This is where the symptoms stem from. Just because they're not like heroin withdraws or something doesn't make them something other than a withdrawal.

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my_scatterheart

Do you know what the term withdrawal means?
Psychological yearning for something is not a withdrawal. Being cranky because you don't have a sack of weed is not a withdrawal. Getting less sleep is not a withdrawal.
Don't bother responding, because we can agree to disagree on this.

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Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

SmokeaJoint

Read my post all the way before making asinine comments like that. I'm not trying to start an argument here, but man, insomnia isn't a joke, neither is the mood swings and lack of appetite. It's not less sleep. It's more like no sleep for a week at a time. None. Just because you don't have withdrawls doesn't mean they don't exist, and yes, psychological yearnings are part of withdrawals. And don't bother replying, cause I'm just gonna continue if you do.

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Some restrictions may apply. Void where prohibited

my_scatterheart

I read it. Sounds like a lot of shit to me.

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Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega