The Rev

I just got back from a great weekend in Vegas. I had some business out there, and my wife and I REALLY REALLY needed a vacation, so we stayed a few days more than necessary and chilled out at the Red Rock, an off-strip hotel. It was just a few days to refresh, and it did the job.

I blew 130 days of sobriety tho. I'm not sure how I feel about that right at the moment. I didn't get wasted, or black out, or any of that. I didn't drink non-stop, either. I just drank like a normal person, stopping when I got to the "any more and I'm gonna hurt tomorrow" point. I haven't drank since the day before yesterday, so I'm on Day 2, I suppose. I don't know if it's naive to think I can change my drinking habits, or whether it would just be better to quit outright again. I guess I have all the time I want to decide; I don't feel especially hard up to drink, oddly.

The time on vacation was really what I needed, just to do some thinking and soul searching. I've gained a new insight on one of the fundamental conflicts of my life, and it's made me give a second thought to many of my decisions. I figure I'll stay sober until things are clearer, which is the sensible thing to do, but there's alot to think about. Depriving myself, and forcing myself, are dysfunctional coping mechanisms I've fallen back on time and again, trying to reconcile my karma. For the first time, I am looking at fresh alternatives, but I don't want to risk fueling old habits at a critical point of change.



The Rev

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kitch

well ya know what they say, just leave it in vegas.

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hijabihippie

Rev, it happened. Learn from it & take it from there.

Mafoo

i think you did good making it as a far is you did with not even a slip up. that shows that you DO have alot of self control, and i wouldnt feel all that bad about having a few in vegas. dont feel bad about it, you didnt fall off the wagon really, you're not laying in a pile of neer cans with flys buzzing around you.

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PLUR
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

crookedhatinator45

still haven't kicked the wife-habit? i thought you were free like a bird rev

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Sk3tchyD4ZO no doubt. the first place i had these was at Space Camp.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Former President Hayes stfu with this pretend bullshit cutesy "lol @ bears" you don't know what its like to like in CONSTANT threat of bear attack.you don't even FUCKING KNOW.

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Originally Posted by v3d4 note to self: veda, you decided not to look at this thread anymore.

♫ılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲ ̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılı ♫

hijabihippie

I don't think the Rev's kicking the wife habit until he's dead.

turmaline

hey you're a great human being, don't be so hard on yourself. It's not like you are violent drunk beating your wife, or doing other horrific things.

Enjoy yourself, that's the past.

SageTree

Hey Rev,

You sound disappointed and by no means am I telling you how to feel. But...


I'm still going to tell you I don't believe you 'blew' your 130 days of not drinking. That time will be fuel for you in your distilling, no pun, of your thoughts.

Not Drinking for now does sound like a good idea. Especially considering you said about coming back with other thoughts and feelings as well.

Perhaps over time you had shifted to one extreme in the drink, and your 130 days has pulled you back to a middle point in your life, via an extreme force, that is never drinking.

I can say as a irregular cig smoker, that I've been quit for years. I haven't bought a pack in 8 years up until recently on my vacation. I enjoyed the times and people I've spent smoking them with and have felt similar over the years when I'd have my 1-2 cigs a year with friends. I've come to accept it as something I do do from time to time. Not smoking isn't a problem for me, so when I choose them, it's me, not the addiction to nicotine. Which I know is still lurking in there. I could keep smoking easily all the time, but I respect myself too much now to do it. So from time to time, I figure it's like a mark, consideration and reminder point.

I'm not telling you how to handle your problem, I just want to share how I deal with an addiction I have had to work with in my life.


I think the vacation was a good place to do that, as it's not on familiar ground and it was in celebration with someone you love.


I hope you find a middle way for yourself Brother, because that sounds like what you want to avoid extremes.

Much love and kindness

SageTree

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