profit

bupe is a weird opiate, after being on it for a year, all the while tapering to doses smaller than .25 mgs// .5mg. at the end of the taper i was literally taking little specks of a pill every 24 hours.

i am on day 3 and so far i'd take this over oxy/ tar wd or any other full agonist opioid any day. the worst of the wd is the bit of restless anxiety i get in waves, coming and going every few hours. the sweats are there but not as harsh as other opiates. the hypothalamus can be the biggest bastard center in the brain causing sweats, so if you are trying to stop oxy but with the bupe it is only about 1/10th as harsh and i have been able to deal with it through a few half days of work. clonodine helps if you cant relax or stop the sweats.

restless legs are also noticeable but easily cured with ~2 mg valium. my doc gave em for sleep and rls and it has helped for sure. also a bit with the general angst.

however the point of this is that the bad is not so bad and the good is that, i have had no cravings for any drug except cannabis. and all for me the wd symptoms are about 10-30% of what other opiates torture you with.

weed helps sooo much but you have to get that strong totally blitzed state goin on with the vape.

__________________

profit

the weirdness continues!

instead of the normal incessant yawning of other opiate wd i am getting terret like sneezes! fuckin cracks me up too, every time i sneeze it happens twice??! every time every half hour or so.

im coming up on 72 hours with no sub, the worst of it atm is a bit of rls and watery eyes. stomach is getting a bit better, energy is up and down but irritability isnt too bad.

i am excited to soon have the only thing go into my body be cannabis, which totally agrees with me in every way shape and form like a lock into a key.

for years i tried to self medicate by researching drugs online and heading up to Seattle to find them. for YEARS i have constantly been tortured by the will to use overriding everything in my life. so this is a huge deal for me not to feel like i have to have "something" (anything) to maintain.

for 5 years some twisted, sick, cancerous like drive to intoxicate has dictated my life completely. i cant see the future but i think i'm finally going to be okay &@.

__________________

Jenna_Grows

That statement makes me smile! Fantastic allPROFIT.

profit

coming up on 96 hours. feeling weird as fuck but better for sure.

Thanks Jenna. this used to be a sad song for me, because i didn't know what i was looking for. but now im content just to look some more.

__________________

kitch

word now hop on naltrexone for the long haul.

__________________

profit

haha kitch. nope that's my old train of thought.

naltrexone long haul... lmfao.

__________________

kitch

it's p much the only thing that works, you know it's an antagonist right? blocks yer receptors without getting you high. I highly reccomend it if you're trying to stay clean.

__________________

profit

i know about naltrexone and its properties; i didn't know it could be used as a long term defense treatment though. that's pretty cool. but i want to go back to a state of total organic head chemistry- and i include pot in this

honestly i just finally want to be able to leave my opiate receptors alone.. if i ever find myself in danger though in the years to come i will keep that in mind as my first safety, so thanks.

__________________

kitch

just curious how long you were using? you seem really confident of your ability to quit. most people who have long term habits make it a few days to a few months then slip right back into it, recovery rates from opiate addiction are pretty dismal. I dunno, if you do decide you're interested the shot is called vivitrol, it's an injection you get once a month that slowly releases the nal into your system, blocking your receptors so you can't get high. It's really easy to slip up just for a moment, then yer right back into it, but with the shot you know it'll just be a waste of money. Jussayin, it's what worked for me.

__________________

profit

i was using for 5 years, all opioids. true junkie. (wrote about it a bit here http://www.yahooka.com/forum/other-h...d-respect.html)

vivitrol.. ill remember it, i promiss you that as i almost never forget pharm names. a testimate to how badly my brain bleeds for opiate bending. but i probably wont use it, i dont want any synthetic chemicals going in my body, i dont even drink or smoke cigs anymore man. havent for months.

and now that im coming off the sub i dont crave other drugs to fill the gap like i used to coming off every other opiate known to man.

my life is evolving, many things have changed. im starting to feel happy sometimes, which has been an ailen emotion to me for much of my life. for reasons like these I believe i have a great chance of making it. i feel different, deep down, like i have a soul now, and before i was just a bunch of flesh.

it is known that drugs affect development. maybe im finally going to be free to develop. mature and grow into whatever it is that i am.

im confident because i truly feel different. and that in itself is the crux of my hope.

__________________

toastyroach

kitch ol friend, why promote the whole 'once a junkie always a junkie'?

Have you ever actually tried to kick subs before? IMO, the physical wd from cutting from small amount to 0 subs, is far far more hellish then a slow ween with opes.

That's because kicking subs, its like day 4 or 5 is the worst of the worst...

I'm not that fond of NA, but I do think some of their core values hold true even for non members. 'people places and things'.... get all these assholes out of your life, and you CAN make it. the only temptation comes when one of these people return to your life and use in front of you / talk about it / etc...

I don't believe the old myth of once a junkie always a junkie. I also don't believe it takes believing in some fake 'higher power' and the rest of the 12 steps repeated forever to stay clean... however, NA is a spiritual program, more like a cult. It's nothing more then a step-by-step guide to learning about yourself and growing as a person...

For me i couldnt swallow that. Actually, reading things like darwins origin of species, and watching every cosmos and film of Sagan, etc, was my spritual journey into figuring out my place in the universe. You can do it without NA

I'd rather die a junkie than be that guy at meetings who counts his clean time in days, saying 'i have 5,489 days clean', and im an addict...


Not only that, but it's also a physiological thing as well. The longer you're a doper, the longer your brain is deprived of producing the natural chemicals it needs to keep you happy. IF you manage to get clean (which, IMO, IS harder then staying clean if you have an EPIC habit like some people... coughme ending at 500mgs/3bunds a day), and you stay clean.. its juust a matter of TIME before the 'natural suboxone' in your brain starts working again... 5 years of damaging those recepters sure as hell might convince you that youll never stay clean. try staying clean 5 years tho after losing everything. You'll laugh in your new friends faces if they ever happened to bring that shit around.. unless of course, you forget where you came from.... i dont know what type of crazy shit you guys have seen, lord knows i have, and whenever it may cross my mind i think about those moments where i almost died/etc and remember that even when i had clean time i knew i could just use for a few days which put me right back where i started.... junkies need to be more like historians then anything else...

__________________

"I'm gonna pray for deadhead as well even though I'm not religious, just super committed to trolling." Terry

profit

6 days off subs now. mentally i feel strange, yet happy. physically i feel like my muscles and bones are growing, turning inside out. unpleasant. tolerable with cannabis.

toasty that was an awesome response man. i thought i was the only one to feel like NA brought me down. pretty much everything you said is spot on bro and i wanna thank you for saying it.

yes! when i tried to quit oxy and tar a hundred times i would always read.

catcher in the rye, Plato's allegory of the cave, harry potter, but once i tried fear and loathing and i was on the phone with my dealer after reading the synopsis on the back..



if you have to focus on the fact that you are an addict to stay clean, then woot cool. but if that doesn't work for you, and i know it sure as hell doesn't work for me then try finding yourself. i recommend that.

what drives you derives you. edit: nm, mathematical connotation -.-

__________________

Bad dog

The only thing that helped me was killing myself with hard physical labour.
I used to hump stones in 100 degrees of heat. Keep tiring yourself out and keep moving. Sitting down too long in one place is not good.

Oh and you have to say goodbye to all of those friends.

__________________

this is where i live

profit

yepp i go running, if you check the balls thread i even ran a full marathon 2 years ago. i have been walking back and forth from work, and i can tell how good it's going to feel to run soon. as soon as my bones stop growing. yukgx.

endorphins are what i am truly addicted to. stupid ass molecular structure, it's so similar to most opiate derivatives..

__________________

williemcgraw88

well heres this for thought i was a junkie straight up for five years 200 mg dilatas its better than heroin flat out i was shooting at least one a day and about a eighth of it would fuk somone up who thinks their a junkie but ive been stold cone sober for five months now. i got to cda chemically dependant anonymous and it really helps me alot to be able to talk to other people who have did tha same shit as me sometimes worse shit so its like no matter how bad i think i got it somone always gots it worse i mean i could be in africa starving with aids or somthing like that thank god i was born in the usa but keep your head up man you can do it

profit

and i am. been a week and a half now. soon a month XD.

i feel so fucking good.

__________________