A Question on dealing with an Alcoholic...

KaptNemo · 02-15-2011, 06:00 PM

Fist off sorry this is a bit tl;dr but too bad...

Ok so a little bit of background info before I get into this rant/attempt to clear my mind so I can get on with my homework...

Ok my moms best friend's son and I used to spend our summers together when we were growing up (from like 12-14), last year he was living on the streets in his car in Virginia with no license (His moms husband kicked him out of the house because he was constantly drinking).

He was working as a carpenter, my parents needed someone to help them finish a house they were remodeling so we offered him a helping hand to come up here pull himself out of the streets and have a second chance to get his life on track. So he came out here and for the first few months he was sober and didn't drink, then he slowly started drinking excessively, I'd confront him about it and for a few months he'd straighten up. This went on and off until just before Christmas. The Thursday before Christmas his mom came up to spend the holidays with my family and her son, who stayed in his bed drunk from the Monday before Christmas until the Tuesday following it, he didn't see his mom that entire time even though she kept inviting him over for dinner and everything.
Just after New Year my room mate took off and disappeared for seven days, only showing up as he was completely out of money, booze and the weather started turning bitter. It turns out he spent the seven days in his car drinking because he lost his job and didn't want to tell me. When he showed back up, he begged for me to let him come back, and made a deal that he would get himself to a doctor, get into counseling, and not drink anywhere, but especially here at the house. Again he seemed to be doing really well, going to his meetings, seeing his doctor and even found a good paying remodeling job. Then the week before last he fell off the wagon, and has been in a binge since, I've tried to talk to him to let him know that he's violating the agreement that he made when he came back, I've basically caught him bringing beer into the house, and then lying to me about it, I told him last Friday that I was fed up with this rollercoaster ride and that he had to the end up the month to find someplace else to go...

On one hand I feel shitty doing it especially since I know his mom won't let him move back to Virginia, and his father won't even talk to him on the phone... But the other hand wants to toss his ass out right now and enjoy having the house to myself... Anyone been stuck in a situation like this??

my_scatterheart · 02-15-2011, 06:12 PM

Yeah for sure.
He's made his choice and you've been more than a friend. You're doing more for him kicking him out than letting him stay.

KaptNemo · 02-15-2011, 06:58 PM

It's aggravating to say the least, don't like getting rid of friends, but I guess there comes a time when there's nothing left to do but cut the ties and go in a separate direction...

farmergiles · 02-16-2011, 01:05 AM

Sounds like you've done your best.

If you provide support but he just uses that to facilitate getting wrecked then sadly it's not helping anyway.

If you kick him out it doesn't necessarily mean your friendship is over as long as he's honest enough to acknowledge the reasons. If he isn't then that's a shame.

On a different tangent, do you know his reasons for drinking like that?

KaptNemo · 02-16-2011, 03:18 AM

He won't be truthful with me on the reasons that he goes crazy with it, the most I get out of his is that it's more socially acceptable to drink than to smoke herb... even though the job he had he could smoke herb with his boss and anyone on the crew, and he lives with me, and I'd rather smoke than drink...

Qui-Bong Jinn · 02-16-2011, 07:32 AM

I would've handed him a fat blunt. And welcomed him to the world of Marijuana.

KaptNemo · 02-16-2011, 06:44 PM

That's the thing that gets me when he first came out here he'd smoke with me, and when he started doing the renovation job he was smoking with his boss and co-workers... he constantly says that he drinks because it's more socially acceptable, yet he closes himself off in his room and doesn't come out for days except to smoke a cigarette or go to the bathroom...

02-15-2011, 06:00 PM	#1 (permalink)
KaptNemo Mad Poo Puffler Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Dayton, Ohio, United States, North America, Northern Hemisphere, Earth Posts: 227 Thanks: 85 Thanked 112 Times in 70 Posts	A Question on dealing with an Alcoholic... Fist off sorry this is a bit tl;dr but too bad... Ok so a little bit of background info before I get into this rant/attempt to clear my mind so I can get on with my homework... Ok my moms best friend's son and I used to spend our summers together when we were growing up (from like 12-14), last year he was living on the streets in his car in Virginia with no license (His moms husband kicked him out of the house because he was constantly drinking). He was working as a carpenter, my parents needed someone to help them finish a house they were remodeling so we offered him a helping hand to come up here pull himself out of the streets and have a second chance to get his life on track. So he came out here and for the first few months he was sober and didn't drink, then he slowly started drinking excessively, I'd confront him about it and for a few months he'd straighten up. This went on and off until just before Christmas. The Thursday before Christmas his mom came up to spend the holidays with my family and her son, who stayed in his bed drunk from the Monday before Christmas until the Tuesday following it, he didn't see his mom that entire time even though she kept inviting him over for dinner and everything. Just after New Year my room mate took off and disappeared for seven days, only showing up as he was completely out of money, booze and the weather started turning bitter. It turns out he spent the seven days in his car drinking because he lost his job and didn't want to tell me. When he showed back up, he begged for me to let him come back, and made a deal that he would get himself to a doctor, get into counseling, and not drink anywhere, but especially here at the house. Again he seemed to be doing really well, going to his meetings, seeing his doctor and even found a good paying remodeling job. Then the week before last he fell off the wagon, and has been in a binge since, I've tried to talk to him to let him know that he's violating the agreement that he made when he came back, I've basically caught him bringing beer into the house, and then lying to me about it, I told him last Friday that I was fed up with this rollercoaster ride and that he had to the end up the month to find someplace else to go... On one hand I feel shitty doing it especially since I know his mom won't let him move back to Virginia, and his father won't even talk to him on the phone... But the other hand wants to toss his ass out right now and enjoy having the house to myself... Anyone been stuck in a situation like this??

02-15-2011, 06:12 PM	#2 (permalink)
my_scatterheart Today, I am alive. Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: NJ Posts: 3,553 Thanks: 1,487 Thanked 3,328 Times in 1,870 Posts	Yeah for sure. He's made his choice and you've been more than a friend. You're doing more for him kicking him out than letting him stay. __________________ Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

02-16-2011, 01:05 AM	#4 (permalink)
farmergiles Yahookan Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Sick of the hatred and the lies Posts: 7,807 Thanks: 2,285 Thanked 3,750 Times in 2,554 Posts	Sounds like you've done your best. If you provide support but he just uses that to facilitate getting wrecked then sadly it's not helping anyway. If you kick him out it doesn't necessarily mean your friendship is over as long as he's honest enough to acknowledge the reasons. If he isn't then that's a shame. On a different tangent, do you know his reasons for drinking like that? __________________ Cultivate a stoic calmness *Fuck the Monkeys* Every Kind of Vice

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02-15-2011, 06:58 PM	#3 (permalink)
KaptNemo Mad Poo Puffler Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Dayton, Ohio, United States, North America, Northern Hemisphere, Earth Posts: 227 Thanks: 85 Thanked 112 Times in 70 Posts	It's aggravating to say the least, don't like getting rid of friends, but I guess there comes a time when there's nothing left to do but cut the ties and go in a separate direction...

02-16-2011, 03:18 AM	#5 (permalink)
KaptNemo Mad Poo Puffler Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Dayton, Ohio, United States, North America, Northern Hemisphere, Earth Posts: 227 Thanks: 85 Thanked 112 Times in 70 Posts	He won't be truthful with me on the reasons that he goes crazy with it, the most I get out of his is that it's more socially acceptable to drink than to smoke herb... even though the job he had he could smoke herb with his boss and anyone on the crew, and he lives with me, and I'd rather smoke than drink...

02-16-2011, 07:32 AM	#6 (permalink)
Qui-Bong Jinn Jedi High Council Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Kingston, Ontario Posts: 2,135 Thanks: 911 Thanked 501 Times in 372 Posts	I would've handed him a fat blunt. And welcomed him to the world of Marijuana.

02-16-2011, 06:44 PM	#7 (permalink)
KaptNemo Mad Poo Puffler Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Dayton, Ohio, United States, North America, Northern Hemisphere, Earth Posts: 227 Thanks: 85 Thanked 112 Times in 70 Posts	That's the thing that gets me when he first came out here he'd smoke with me, and when he started doing the renovation job he was smoking with his boss and co-workers... he constantly says that he drinks because it's more socially acceptable, yet he closes himself off in his room and doesn't come out for days except to smoke a cigarette or go to the bathroom...

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