First attempt at writing...

wallyandthecarp · 07-09-2009, 06:29 PM

Have you ever been inside your head?
beyond your eyes the land of reds and blue
where solid things appear to bend
the colors on the wall stare back at you
have you ever been out of your mind?
infinity ain't hard to find out there
every atom every cell
love will over power hell
its everywhere

Have you ever thought outside the box?
rid of all the chains and locks held you
question theories others taught
everything you think you though you knew (who knew)

Jack Straw · 07-11-2009, 11:17 AM

Hey pretty decent for a first time write. Remember to show. Don't tell. Write for the audience. You can write for yourself in your diary. But if you plan on showing a piece off you don't want to clutter it up with abstractions only the writer understands.

SweetSativa · 07-18-2009, 03:12 PM

love it

07-09-2009, 06:29 PM	#1 (permalink)
wallyandthecarp Whimsy Walrus Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Grand Rapids Posts: 19 Thanks: 10 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts	First attempt at writing... Have you ever been inside your head? beyond your eyes the land of reds and blue where solid things appear to bend the colors on the wall stare back at you have you ever been out of your mind? infinity ain't hard to find out there every atom every cell love will over power hell its everywhere Have you ever thought outside the box? rid of all the chains and locks held you question theories others taught everything you think you though you knew (who knew) __________________

07-11-2009, 11:17 AM	#2 (permalink)
Jack Straw wishful thinker Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Utopia Posts: 982 Thanks: 10 Thanked 18 Times in 15 Posts	Hey pretty decent for a first time write. Remember to show. Don't tell. Write for the audience. You can write for yourself in your diary. But if you plan on showing a piece off you don't want to clutter it up with abstractions only the writer understands. __________________ The time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted -John Lennon In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks. -John Muir One man gathers what another man spills...

07-18-2009, 03:12 PM	#3 (permalink)
SweetSativa Lucid Daydreamer Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 3,930 Thanks: 26 Thanked 51 Times in 47 Posts	love it __________________ "Why is it that when people talk to God, we call it praying but when God talks to people, we call it crazy?"- Touched by an Angel http://www.youtube.com/user/immelody.../0/DDRj93dQ0O0

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